my intention is...

I wrote in my previous post about reading a book called Pursue the Intentional Life by Jean Fleming and how it impacted my already intentional life.

She shares a portion of a poem from John Milton, and discusses it in relation to the Apostle Paul’s bold claims to not be ashamed and that Christ would always be exalted in his body through life or death.

Unless and age to late, or cold

Climate, or years, damp my intended wing.

She calls these bold claims of Paul his “intended wing,” his intentions, his plan. She says, 

Like Paul, I can express my intended wing because it doesn’t all depend on me; God is at work in me to bring me through to the end. . . . Resolutions call more to my flesh, a jutted jaw..trusting the Lord to undertake for me, the goal is still the high places. . . . Inherent in my intended wing is my acknowledged inadequacy and my high desire.

I was inspired by both Jean and Paul to begin to document the intended wings that I already lived by, as well as new high desires. I grabbed a blank notebook and wrote one sentence at the top of the first page:

My intention is to love Jesus and be emotionally healthy because that is the best I can offer anyone else.

Underneath that sentence I jotted a couple ideas to flesh that out a bit and then went on to the next page. This began about four years ago and continues today. The other day, I penned my twenty-seventh “intended wing.” 

Mondays I read through the intentions, and sometimes I will jot new ideas or reasons below them. I want to keep these intentions in front of me as a reminder of what my journey with Christ is teaching me and calling me to.

Periodically, I’m going to write a post on one or two of these intentions. Today we will begin with emotional health and why it’s been so integral for me.

During my twenties, my pastor encouraged me to seek some professional counseling to work through boundaries and codependency. (They were two words that I was not familiar with for sure.) I remember his words so well, “Susan, you can’t grow spiritually past your level of emotional dysfunction, you must address these things.” Another one of his favorite sayings was, “Susan, you are going to be so glad that the Lord brought these issues up in your twenties, many people aren’t dealing with themselves until they are close to forty!”

Counseling was good for me, so good. Also integral was a small group I was involved in that fostered transparency and honesty. I found grace there. I came to understand what I’ve said so often to others: the Lord brings issues up in His time, when He intends for them to get addressed. That season in my twenties was round one for me.

My first child was not even one as I began my quest for emotional health. I would come home from counseling exhausted, hardly able to string words together, often crying and confused. But I was motivated to offer my husband, my son, the teens that I served, my friends the best that I could offer: myself responding in healthy, God-honoring ways.

Throughout the years serving at the urban Christian camp where I work, I have been so thankful for the understanding of the tie between my spiritual growth and my emotional growth.

I often tell campers, “God wants us to grow to look more like His family and less like our family of origin—growing in his likeness.” 

He always responds in healthy ways towards us.

He is secure in Himself.

He rests well and has appropriate boundaries in all directions.

He loves in healthy ways that are also often very costly.

I intend to love this way as well. I want this high place. 

My intended wing for the rest of my days is to love with my whole life my Lord and those around me. 

But in order to do this in His likeness, I need to be aware of my own limitations.

I need to have solid boundaries that keep me rested, growing, stable, and secure.

I need to be getting my worth and value from Him in healthy ways, and not be dependent on those around me to prop me up. Does this mean that I’m not interdependent with those around me? Absolutely not. But the interdependence is healthy, life-giving, and mutual.

The best that I have to offer you—to offer anyone—is myself loving Jesus and living in emotionally healthy ways.