first impressions...
“Hi! My name is Susan and I lead a group on campus designed to be a safe space for those students experiencing same sex desires, students experiencing gender dysphoria, or any students identifying somewhere along the LGBTQ spectrum.”
The last three Septembers have found me standing in front of the student body at a local Christian University saying a variation of the above sentence. It staggers me to have such an opportunity to serve and walk alongside these precious students.
It also greatly saddens me that most of these students express extreme fear in their initial emails to me. Predominantly churched, from a variety of faith backgrounds, all professing faith in Jesus, and all fearful of speaking aloud their same sex desires.
In the three years that I’ve served in those role, I’ve not met one student who, prior to entering college, has acted on these desires. Not one.
And yet most all of them are fearful of being known, fearful of being hated, fearful of being cast out of the University and their churches.
Most of them start out afraid of me and what I will say. But they are so desperate to talk and be cared for that they email. I believe it’s because I make the first move- I invite them to have a soda. I reach out.
I’ll quote some of the emails:
“I hate myself more than anything and I wish to find out truth in what God thinks about me.”
“I’ve never told anyone about this, and I never will. I want to die with this as a secret.”
“I struggle with unwanted same sex attractions. I don’t really want to meet in a group setting.”
“I experience a lot of shame and anxiety from this and have dealt with it for years. “
“ I am extremely nervous.”
“I am desperate to know if God hates me.”
I feel like I could write almost every week just encouraging us to love people in better ways, more like how Jesus loved people.
How have we gotten to this place where most everyone thinks that Jesus and the Church hate gay/trans people?
And before you wonder if I’m heading towards more affirming theology, I will tell you that’s not the case. I believe that we can have a biblical, historical sexual ethic AND love people well.
I’ve seen it being done, and I believe that each one of us are capable of this.
Jesus drew people towards Himself, drew children towards Himself, and especially drew “sinners” (those that the religious people especially thought were poor company) towards Himself.
The Evangelical church doesn’t have that same reputation. And while we could call this an institutional problem, really the church is actually a bunch of individuals- you and I. And our reputation won’t be changed by decrees or signed statements.
We will only be perceived as more loving, when we actually love people in impacting ways that get people talking.
Funny, isn’t it- we have to actually love people in creative ways that make them feel loved.
Now, I’m not in control of whether or not someone receives my actions as loving. I’ve had actions that I thought through and deemed as loving called anything but loving. But not often. That’s not the normal response.
So I’m not responsible for making someone feel loved.
But I am responsible to love.
We are responsible to reach towards people- God reaches towards people and we, as His image bearers, should do that as well.
We have the Holy Spirit as our helper and our guide. He is always pointing us towards those people the Father is working to love: the poor, the widow, the alien/ stranger, and the orphan. Who these people are in each of our contexts may vary- but you can bet that the Holy Spirit wants to see those that our society places on the margins loved well. You can read about God’s heart for the marginalized all throughout the pages of scripture.
Have I convinced you to reach out? Perhaps examine how you respond to people? Begin to pray for opportunities to love differently?
If you resonate with these thoughts, consider sharing this post. We can only see the broader church culture changed if we get large numbers of individuals loving well- and you know people that I do not!